A Demon's Intro

Despite what you may think about Demons, we're really not all bad.

Okay, we are evil to the core. All of us. And we like to indulge ourselves. A lot. But who doesn't?

I can tell you that we don't have tails or horns. We don't have forked tongues. We don't carry pitchforks. We don't breathe fire. Well, except for every once in a while, when we're really drunk.

Most of all, we don't follow people around whispering in their ear to do bad things. No turn to the Dark Side, or do it, you know you want to from us. God, can you imagine how annoying that would be? I mean, following you pathetic humans around all the time? How desperate do you think we are?

No, the petty things you do, the hurtful things you say, the conniving things you think, those are all on you. Sure, you like to blame us - heaven forbid you take responsibility for your actions - and think that passing the buck gets you in the clear. If you hadn't already guessed it by now, it doesn't, but that's not what I wanted to tell you about.

Demons don't stress the little things. We aren't micro-managers. We couldn't care less if the whole human race never uttered another curse, or if everyone reverted back to hand-written birthday cards instead of store-bought ones. In fact, the Whelps down in accounting would probably throw you humans a party. It'd certainly cut down their paperwork.

We Demons got put in charge of the big stuff. Big as in stock market crashes. Big as in serial killers. Big as in landmines. As in wars and genocide and drunk driving.

Don't get me wrong, it's not a hard job. You humans have a lot of sick, twisted stuff already going on in your heads. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to put a square peg in a square hole. But it does take a certain knack to be there at the right time. Some got it. Some don't. And those who don't, improvise.

I improvise. A lot. And I think I've got a certain knack for it. Humans don't usually to say no when you've got a blade to their throat.